Brendon Hartley broke up in the disgust moments that he saw the end of his Formula One race.
While Kiwi hopes to find a Formula 1 seat again, the reality is that just over a season with Toro Rosso will be almost certainly the total of F1's Hartley.
He saw his world fall only one hour after his last F1 season.
In a sincere piece for The Players' Grandstand, Hartley begins: "It's something fun, or maybe it's sad, but the end does not expire, right?"
Talking about being the child in his Palmerston North room, dreaming about F1. Those dreams never included the following.
"Monaco Grand Prix – the race that every pilot waits," he writes.
"When I look back now, what I will remember most of it is to walk to the paddock to meet the media on Wednesday before the weekend began and receive a lot of questions about my future.
"Here I am, a handful of races in my F1 race, and ask me about the end.
"The worst part of that day, however, was finding out that there were certain rumors.
"After some races, there were some people, they appeared, they did not want me there. I'm going to be honest, this was a bit of a shock."
Hartley said he was surprised to find that, after all his other career success, "I had to talk about my replacement so soon."
Hartley writes: "However, that is the life in Formula 1. Sport has so much money and a lot of people involved, it is only natural that there is politics. If you are a fan and you know him and you are a driver, you live.
"… the way I responded, the way I put my head and kept going – that's one of the things that most pride me for this season.
"… going to Abu Dhabi, he knew that it would not matter what happened after the race would leave the circuit with his head high.
"But, like the fanatics, I had no idea what was going to happen. That's the thing about politics in F1, it can be a bit … uncomfortable.
"Everyone walks on egg shells, and there is not always any clarity. So I did everything I could: my job. I missed my teammate and took me to 12 on Sunday night.
"An hour later, I was summoned to a meeting. And a few minutes later, he was no longer an F1 pilot.
"I returned to the room of my driver, I embraced (wife) Sarah. There were some tears, some sadness, but I also looked for the future and the next steps.
"It was clear to me then that from Monaco there was already a moving plan to move.
"That was it. What did you think it does not matter?"
Hartley also suggests that he felt part of a Kiwi Jinx.
"After half of the season, I could not help thinking about my friend Kiwi Chris Amon, who had been named" The most unfortunate pilot in the history of F1, "Hartley writes.
"What about Kiwis in F1?
"To beat birds, to leave in the first laps, motor penalties, suspension failures and other problems that were not always mentioned in public, felt that it was going down the same path."
Hartley lost his Toro Rosso seat in the Formula 2 driver Alexander Albon for this year.